Music heals…

I’m one of those people who get frustrated very easily. I wish i was stronger, I wish i could be indifferent to everything around me; trying hard to study but my body doesn’t listen to me, my brain doesn’t want to remember what i need to, instead it just play all the things that puts me on edge, in a bad way, its like i’m against myself and im not being able to do anything about it, i dont even know what to do. people on ocassions like these (so i’ve heard) turn to family and friends; my family as much as i love them dearly, everyone has their own thing going on and we clash with one another alot laterly, as for my friends i’ve never had any friend/s with whom i’ve been able to talk without being scared of what they might think (one of reasons im so lonely). And so i find me by myself with some music playing loudly  (if not writing or usually both) and at times singing along, and it helps.

I was watching this move Chloe and their sound track was by this band called Raised by the Swans, i just loved their song, you were once young. I could not relate to their lyrics but there was the certain emotion in their music in their voice that i instantly fell for them. Next thing i did checked out few songs in youtube then download their whole album. The Script, Lady Antebellum, Adele, Switchfoot, Coldplay, Avril,….I also listen to some songs of Korean artists (Jin Woon, 2AM, 2PM. Davichi) and some classic songs,  i just love them. And all these songs have one thing in common, most of the time i cant relate to the lyrics of the songs but its how they make me feel; there is that pain, feeling of being lost, those feeling i cannot describe in words in their songs. And then I don’t feel alone, i know i’m not the only one going through what im going though and that gives me strength to move forward, to be patient, to not listen to my dark thoughts and gives me hope to keep trying, most of all they help me deal with myself and my life, they help me accept that im a onemanarmy and so are most of the people except few lucky ones. Music is just something i wont be able to live without, its something i can turn to when i dunno what, where i’m supposed to do, go. Music is a messiah for me.

facebook..FaceBook…FACEBOOK

Not a day goes by that i don’t check my fb, atleast two times a day. i know its okay for the other days but not during my exam times and that is exactly what time it is..exam time. But I hate studying and i know I shouldn’t be saying this but I know I’ve got to do this, some how I need to get through this. Its not that I don’t try, I do and I don’t give up..I don’t call myself onemanarmy for nothing but there are times, I study and it feels like I’m not getting anything and I get frustrated. That is one big fault in me, I get frustrated too fast too easily. And what do I do! log on to facebook and just STARE at the wall..I don’t chat with people I just stare at others posts, may be like it and poof! there goes hours like minutes. and when i finally get myself to pick of the books..few minutes feels like hours. Exam times are very hard but i also know i made it hard myself.

So im gonna do what my friend tells me..need to get hold of myself  and ask myself – whether I want to be an engineer or not !
i need it.. so goodbye net (hopefully).

Want? Need?

Alot of people would argue these two words WANT and NEED implies the same thing but I don’t think so. If you are one of them then u should consider yourself lucky! For me they stand for two different things in life. And there are times when it gets really hard to decide which one to go with, which one to sacrifice; you want something but that’s not what you need and putting that energy into something else would get you what you need, and there lies your decision. These decisions kill you at times, leaves you with regrets but nothing you can do to avoid that. You might say why not just have both so you get both your needs and wants out of life but that’s not how it is and will never be. If you think you can have both I’d say you are dreaming. For me  I guess only choice I got is to live with it, at least that’s how I see it.