I’m one of those people who get frustrated very easily. I wish i was stronger, I wish i could be indifferent to everything around me; trying hard to study but my body doesn’t listen to me, my brain doesn’t want to remember what i need to, instead it just play all the things that puts me on edge, in a bad way, its like i’m against myself and im not being able to do anything about it, i dont even know what to do. people on ocassions like these (so i’ve heard) turn to family and friends; my family as much as i love them dearly, everyone has their own thing going on and we clash with one another alot laterly, as for my friends i’ve never had any friend/s with whom i’ve been able to talk without being scared of what they might think (one of reasons im so lonely). And so i find me by myself with some music playing loudly (if not writing or usually both) and at times singing along, and it helps.
I was watching this move Chloe and their sound track was by this band called Raised by the Swans, i just loved their song, you were once young. I could not relate to their lyrics but there was the certain emotion in their music in their voice that i instantly fell for them. Next thing i did checked out few songs in youtube then download their whole album. The Script, Lady Antebellum, Adele, Switchfoot, Coldplay, Avril,….I also listen to some songs of Korean artists (Jin Woon, 2AM, 2PM. Davichi) and some classic songs, i just love them. And all these songs have one thing in common, most of the time i cant relate to the lyrics of the songs but its how they make me feel; there is that pain, feeling of being lost, those feeling i cannot describe in words in their songs. And then I don’t feel alone, i know i’m not the only one going through what im going though and that gives me strength to move forward, to be patient, to not listen to my dark thoughts and gives me hope to keep trying, most of all they help me deal with myself and my life, they help me accept that im a onemanarmy and so are most of the people except few lucky ones. Music is just something i wont be able to live without, its something i can turn to when i dunno what, where i’m supposed to do, go. Music is a messiah for me.