Words that move you

I have heard a lot of great saying that have come from celebrities and i heard one today from one Matt Meringue, a masterchef australia judge and it goes like this

If you are going through hell, keep going coz you’ll be surprized at what you can achieve.

There have been many words spoken that have moved masses. Words are great indeed, can make people do things they wouldn’t have had been able to do if not for those words. There was something Oprah Winfrey said that sort of started a revolution in me, or you could even call it a evolution but it has helped me a lot at hard times. I don’t remember the exact words but the gist of it was that we need to love ourselves, embrace who we are then only can we expect from others to love and respect us. It has to begin from within ourselves.

Never Dying Hatred!

I was watching a report done by BBC about how the homosexual are being brutally murdered by the Iraqi government, just after the end of a war that was happening against terrorism, they have started killing again, haven’t enough people died already? They showed a short interview with a spokesperson of the president in which he told the reporter arrogantly that homosexuality is against their religion and that it was a choice people made they were not going to tolerate. He is so sure he knows everything, that he is right and showed no remorse on the lives that they took. After everything these people have been through, decades of war, you’d think they’d have become wiser!

I will never get tired of talking about how fucked up this world is; how humans always find one thing or the other to start killing each other, how they are bent on causing destruction in their own world; It’s very sad. Sometimes they kill each other in name of religion, caste, wealth, ethnicity, race,…and now sexuality has been added to that long list. Its like people rather put their focus, their resources on destroying others and not using it to better themselves and their lives. I totally don’t get that concept, the way i see it, that’s fucked up!
When are people going to accept others for who they are and not who they want others to be? When will these people learn to accept things for what it is? If they don’t understand things, they take it to be an abomination. Why do these people forget that just like they have the right to live their lives the way they want to, so do the others? When are these people going to learn the concept of “live and let live”? It’s not that hard thing to understand. It’s not quantum physics or anything of that complexity level.

Yes, hatred is a part of this world, of ourselves, does that mean it has to drive us, the world? Don’t they know all hatred brings is sadness, pain, destruction?
If we are to survive, to move forward we as the world has to become one and work with each other with the best things we’ve to offer. I being a 21 year old understands that; so the big question comes in, why don’t these “leaders” of the world understand that? Are we led by fools?


I did okay today and I feel nothing, not sad i screwed up few(may be more than few) problems, not happy that I’m going to pass, just nothing. Is this how its going to be? This sorta scares me. May be its because I actually tried today, that there is still hope left. Or is it because my head is aching? I wish I could get some answers but that ain’t gonna happen.  So I’m just going to dwell in this feeling tonight, this feeling of nothingness, it’s good to feel a different feel for a change. It’s way much better than feel like a looser all the time anyway. That’s probably why i just didn’t stop walking to talk to people and take that chance of feeling miserable again, I just wanted to keep this nothingness to being miserable. 

Where i stand

I was talking to one of my good friends after long time, he asked me “what is bothering you?”. I’ve been thinking about what i told him, I gave him a very vague answer; I told him “life is”. I said future scares me, what it’ll be like with the present being how it is; these are all true. And now I’ve asking myself the same question and the answer i hear is ME.

I tend to look at the people around me and compare myself to them, i know its not healthy but its an automatic thing i do. They are what defines NORMAL, me, I’m far from what they are, how they are, I’m far from being a Normal guy. I’d give anything to be like them, become one of them but the fact remains I’m not. I could pretend, its a choice I’m not going to take. I’ve grown up from what i used to be like, I’ve become acceptable in this society so much so that they can’t spot the difference but I know how it actually is. Its like i could be standing in the crowd but I’m always going to find myself ALONE. Sure i try to be tough about it, tell others and myself I’ve become comfortable in my solitude but its like my friend told me, I’ve just learnt to fool my heart. I call myself ONEMANARMY but forever being alone scares me. It scares me that I’ll loose my chance to be happy, be contend with life and truly LIVE. That I don’t have right now and not being able to have in the future is what I’m afraid of.

My friend tells me I’m ruining my present thinking about the future and he’s right, i know that. I’m just hoping that I’ll be able to put these thoughts behind me and focus on the PRESENT. I’ll have to do this for my sanity as there is a lot on the line that i cannot afford to loose. I’ve known this for a long time and yet here i am reminding myself. Past has gone, future yet remains unknown; at best i can only guess but i got this present and that’s all i got.

I’ll keep going, keep fighting myself, the world, my life; in the end I’ll make my life how i want it to be or die trying. Never give up, Never stop trying, that’s how i intend to live my life doesn’t matter what happens I’ll always come out of my weakest points of life and stand strong. And there is no other option to that.

Big words

I talk big and when it comes to actually doing it, i screw up. It’s been like moving in circles and I’m tired. I’ve been tired for a long time and may it is one of the reasons it has started to become that much easier to just give up, just do nothing would the more appropriate way to put it but then they are both the same thing just different words, aren’t they?

I didn’t even try today, just told myself i can’t do this and walked away. i told myself i just gotta try harder next time but is that actually going to happen or am i just gonna tell myself what i told myself today again? i should know the answer to that, shouldn’t i? But here is the fact i don’t. I’m not afraid to accept that, what scares me is that these things are going to stop affecting me that I’ll stop fighting my war, because to give up is just becoming more tempting than fighting this never ending war. I’m scared that I’ll just settle for nothing rather than actually working my ass off for something i need, whether i want it or not is not the question i can afford to ask myself again and again. That is only going to remind me of what i didn’t go for, did’t do, what i may be could have had but this is what i got and I’ve got to accept that then why am i not being able to do that?

I look at some of my friends, i see them working, really working for things they want and i look at myself just sleeping my ass off. It’s like i am my own biggest baddest enemy but now the question comes how do you save yourself from yourself? Here i am filled with questions in the middle of a battle but may be I’m weak I’m not scared or ashamed to accept that but i will have to just keep on going.