Big words

I talk big and when it comes to actually doing it, i screw up. It’s been like moving in circles and I’m tired. I’ve been tired for a long time and may it is one of the reasons it has started to become that much easier to just give up, just do nothing would the more appropriate way to put it but then they are both the same thing just different words, aren’t they?

I didn’t even try today, just told myself i can’t do this and walked away. i told myself i just gotta try harder next time but is that actually going to happen or am i just gonna tell myself what i told myself today again? i should know the answer to that, shouldn’t i? But here is the fact i don’t. I’m not afraid to accept that, what scares me is that these things are going to stop affecting me that I’ll stop fighting my war, because to give up is just becoming more tempting than fighting this never ending war. I’m scared that I’ll just settle for nothing rather than actually working my ass off for something i need, whether i want it or not is not the question i can afford to ask myself again and again. That is only going to remind me of what i didn’t go for, did’t do, what i may be could have had but this is what i got and I’ve got to accept that then why am i not being able to do that?

I look at some of my friends, i see them working, really working for things they want and i look at myself just sleeping my ass off. It’s like i am my own biggest baddest enemy but now the question comes how do you save yourself from yourself? Here i am filled with questions in the middle of a battle but may be I’m weak I’m not scared or ashamed to accept that but i will have to just keep on going.

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