wondering about insignificance

There are whole other kinds of pains that I not know of; when I read about abuses done to them by the people they love, I wonder of the pain they feel. I ask myself in all of these kinds of pain does my pain become insignificant? I’ve seen pain in the eyes of people when they lose their loved ones to time or death, last goodbyes that were left unsaid, I wonder what kind of pain that leaves behind in people. I wonder if that kind of pain can even be compared to the pain I got in my head.
My pain is of loneliness, of feeling worthless, of not being good enough for the people around me, my pain is in my head, it a disease I’m afraid to acknowledge or accept out in the open. Accepting that out in the open doesn’t do any good either because looked upon by the world as a “damsel in distress”, which is not something I would want in on my book. So I put on my iron mask and tell myself that I’m a one man army who needs to fight my own fights and just get this life done. Sometimes when I hear myself talk like this life is a work that needs to get done and that is exactly what it has started to feel like because of my inability to see the bigger picture in life; I wonder if that is going to change and become something more. I wonder if I’ll ever become significant to people starting with my family. When I think of things I want out of life that is one thing that strikes the cord with me, BEING SIGNIFICANT. That’s the one thing I’m sure of that I need to make out of myself and my life, to take care of people I need to take care and rest take it as it comes. I guess I have given myself a motto in life, I wonder even if it can be called that, a motto.
May be someday I’m going to wake of and realize that I’ve become more than what I thought I would or could have become. May be I’ll become significant in ways I think is possible for me, insignificant cry baby who puts on an iron mask of a man.

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