Life has become this continuous cycle of frustration, anger, hating myself and life, want to be alone, no energy to do what needs to be done, finding that bit of energy just enough to get you by at the end moment and making promises to myself that I never keep. It feels like this circle just might not end but I strongly feel the need to break this cycle; something in this life needs change. And there lies in the problem, what do I do? I dunno but I need to do something, I need change and I’ve just waited enough. There is just one thing that comes to my mind ‘work’ but with all this pending stuffs from the school, will I actually be able to do it? I want to find out and here comes another problem I got no skill. Life has a funny way to make you feel worthless like shit.
Why is it always about that one message that never comes; that one person stops showing interest in you that makes you want to crawl back under a stone and never come back up again.
I’ve lived this dark corner for sometime now, where the light reaches yet its pitch black. This place is a black hole sucking away everything into the void. Few strong ones manage to walk out of this place like they don’t feel its gravitational pull, me, I feel it not just feel the pull it feels like this place is sucking away within me and leaving nothingness behind, a void. Its not that I’ve never managed to get out of this place, I have a few times managed to find the strength to crawl out of here but I always end up back here, so why leave is what I tell myself and so I don’t try to leave this place anymore it is sort a become comfortable here yet its not, may be I’ve just gotten used to this pitch blackness and this void within. And so I listen to songs a lot, its my way to fill this void, to drown the questioning thoughts and not let guilt hold of me.
I dunno where this is talking me but I know its nowhere i should be or anybody.