Begin again

Life is a series of unexpected events. He was happy, he was content with himself and his life. Yes he didn’t have everything but he was okay with where he was. He was smiling and all it took was one question, “What now?” to shake the ground beneath his feet. He is now on the ground, he fell on his ass again. He was stabbed from the back by the people he trusted, people he stood up for, people he cared for and now he questions everything again. Another reality check from the part of his life he least expected, the part that gave him his smile. With his trust broken he wonders if he’ll ever find it again!

He cried and cried. He is sad. He is heartbroken. He is discouraged. He is demoralized.

He talked to all the people in his life  he could talk to about this slap on his face. He couldn’t stay this way. So he found himself a solution but is he okay? He is hurt. He is trying not to show. A solution doesn’t always means the solution. He smiles, he jokes but his heart hurts from all this pretending, from the betrayal. He questions the solution he found for himself. He questions his decision. He has nothing. He has lost again. He has lost himself again.

He has started again with a heavy heart. He is scared to loose again, he is scared of feeling the pain again, he doesn’t think he deserves this pain, not after he worked so hard for everything. Did he harm anybody? Is this karma coming back around?

He can start again. He will start again. He is strong. Stronger than he knows.

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Where am i at?

I walk fantasing about you, the unattainable. I never could keep who I already had, but it was never just my fault. This is a point in life where i see myself wanting a lot of things, i talk big and i’m nowhere close to where i want to be. I’m just somewhere. Will i get there? May be. Will i ever get you? No. Better stop now. Steer away from the unattainable. Do i have to?

Why is he sad?

He shuts down his computer; tells himself its time for bed, can’t be late to work again. He switches the light off and tries to close his eyes. But he finds himself staring at the dark room. He opens his mobile phone, switches yhe lights on and starts talking to people. Then he defends himself and closes his phone and switches the light off again. Tears just roll down his cheek  and he just keeps wiping it off. He feels pain in his chest; tells himself his heart is hurting but he doesn’t know why! Is it all he has lost; then again he never had anything to loose. Is it the life and people; he just hasn’t found what he wants from them. Why doesn’t he understand? What doesn’t he know to not be sad! Is this forever? Or will it end soon? Will he be happy or feel nothing?