Rather…

I rather live with failures than with regrets

It is easy to just do nothing. Not try to be happy, not try to find love, not try to build myself and my mother a comfortable future and the list goes on. It is easy to blame everything, life, circustances but it is tough to accept them and try harder, be it against these immovable forces. The question i ask myself is prettly simple yet tough. Do i want to live knowing i tried or do i want to live knowing i gave up? I won’t give up on myself on life or anything i am strong and i will fight survive my way through all of this and hopefully find my nirvana. And hopefully i won’t be alone.

I am a man bent by circumstances, life and nature. Sometimes i fight them. Sometimes i move along.

Survival. 

Loosing battle?

I smile. I am sarcastic. I am loud. I argue with people. I laugh. I think I am putting on a show for the world so they don’t see through my eyes and see the sadness.

I am hurting. There are days when i’m sad and tears just roll down. Times I am forced to hold them back, for I don’t want the world to see me break down.

I am consumed by sadness among many other feelings which is making me loose a bit of me slowly.

I am dying inside.

There are days when I can feel my heart ache. I thought it was just psychological until I read an article the other day, about how the emotions are just not psychological but physical as well. Could it be physical as well? What is going on with me? Am I going under? Is this depression? Is there a possibility that this might kill me?

I don’t want to die just yet! I am not done fighting for myself, my life!