The idea of love has always given me a hope of finding peace and happiness in life. May be that is why I go searching for love even when I strongly feel love is not found by searching, but love will come looking for you. But this heart of mine is not patient, therefore I have become a victim of imaginary love.
I am different, not your average Joe but knowing this is feels like the biggest cruse when you need to hold you heart back of whom it desires, for love felt only by one and not reciprocated by another causes nothing but harm. But the saddest part is the other person not knowing the existence of the love. You don’t have the courage to confront this feeling and you settle for the imaginary love. The question I ask, must the other person know? Why can’t I be selfish and just take all the feeling this imaginary love can give me? The good feeling, the hurt, the sadness, everything. What is wrong in feeling all this. I will have to move on till then, let me drown myself in this imagined love. Something is better than nothing. And this thought has made a willing victim out of me.
via Daily Prompt: Imaginary
I should not be wishing for you to be mine. I know. But when I am with you I don’t feel alone, being with you cures me and I feel happy. Can I not be selfish?
I have always been drawn towards you, from the day I first saw you. That innocence, that smile, had me captivated. I was wishing, if only I could make you mine right then and there. From then on, I have maintained my distance because I feared this wish would become what it has become, a crush. I can feel me holding you though I never have. I can feel your lips on mine, wish it would become the reality. I blame you. You shouldn’t have taken those steps towards me.
I always knew that you and I are worlds apart in every way. I want to tell you what my world is like but you are a private person and so am I. I don’t want to throw myself at you when I can clearly see you holding yourself back. I wonder what your expectations were out of me. I wonder what you thought of me then and what has changed now. I never said no to you. I still can’t. But I can feel the distance increasing between us these days, it’s like you are taking your steps back and I am walking towards you. Should I stop? I should. I need to. But I don’t want to. Why do I feel like this is what you want? I see that but when I see your smile, I don’t want to let you have what I think you want. I wonder if it is you or the puppeteers. But that does not matter, you are an adult and your actions are your decisions.
But my wishes still remain, to hold you, to care for you, to feed you, to make you feel my love. Sad fact is, that is not possible. I thought I saw something in your eyes, I thought you felt something for me. May be you did, but you are loosing it for reasons I do not know. I think I was wrong, mistook things for what they weren’t. I think everything was drawn up in my head, I think everything was a wishful thinking. And now I am hurting.
The important facts are I will get over this hurt, I have accepted that we will never be a reality, I have accepted that we hail from two different worlds and we are not meant to be. I wish you the world, may you find all the happiness, peace and your heart’s greatest desires. Cheers!