Dear God

You know you are the biggest asshole ever! I don’t want to live like this. But they death only brings you closer so that is not my choice either. FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!!!

One decent soul and you had to do this! You just fucking had to make it complicated! I’m tired of this hope of finding love. I need to find myself better things and not people now. I better way to find meaning in action and not humans. Thank you for killing me! How can you? I always put up with everything with hopes for something better and every fucking time, every fucking time! I’m tired I choose not to deal with this.

Thank you for killing hope for the nth time for this miserable person. He is going to show you or die trying! Yes, he has a ego!

Change is coming

I can feel the shift of energy in you and now my energy is changing as well. And it is breaking me down. My heart and my soul. And I am praying that this won’t reach my body. I can’t have that, for that is going to affect a lot of people which I don’t want. I want to live a detached life, away from everyone. Why am I like this? Why can’t I change? Why am I this fragile? Why? Do u know?

Accepting them for who they are

The closer you get to people, you get exposed to their cruel side, their dark side, their fucked-up side you did not think existed. You want to scream at them on top of your lungs, tell them to fuck off.

Fuck you! Fuck you asshole!

But then what’s the point? They are who they are, and I doubt people are going to change. It is you who has to adjust. You just saw them for who they can become, a part of them.

But the fault is my own. I trusted. I relied on them. I gave them everything. I gave them me, the unfiltered me. And in return, I expected honesty, understanding but instead, I got a slap on my face, I was left with the well-deserved turmoil inside which is eating me inside-out. I feel like this feeling is killing me from within. I blame me, that’s it!

As for them, I accept them for their goodness and their darkness, the whole, the Ying and the Yang.


You are there for them

You take care of them

And they rather sacrifice you

They rather push you off the cliff

They rather push you through the edge

They don’t give a fuck about you

They rather let you do it alone

Okay then no fucks taken

I owe you nothing

I owe none of you nothing

Fuck you!

Am i a means to an end?

I was mistaken

I am stupid

I am my own doom

Fuck you

You too will pass

And so it begins…

Back to embracing solitude

Where i was at my happiest

Alone. Sad mostly. But i was not miserable. Not guilty. Not wronged.