Funny how I used to try so hard to not feel pain, and now that very feeling, pain makes me feel alive. Like this world is real, I am alive and I am living because I can feel pain. It hurts and I feel it. Feeling it gives me the sense of being alive. It is sad, of all the things, pain! I curse at myself but it is what it is and I accept that. I hope someday this pain will be replaced by peace or happiness or something else.