I fear I have become clingy, have I? I have been desperate for love, for companionships. Have I gone overboard? May be.
My expectations has grown and now I fear I will be dissapointed. So here I am taking a step back, breathe. As I give him space, I give myself space as well. I need to focus on myself now. I need to be desperate for my own peace of mind, love for myself and take care of my own well being.
I am enough.
Funny how I used to try so hard to not feel pain, and now that very feeling, pain makes me feel alive. Like this world is real, I am alive and I am living because I can feel pain. It hurts and I feel it. Feeling it gives me the sense of being alive. It is sad, of all the things, pain! I curse at myself but it is what it is and I accept that. I hope someday this pain will be replaced by peace or happiness or something else.
I had heard them describe their feeling with the word, Melancholy. To me, it was a fancy word back then, probably because I did not understand the word but I had looked up the meaning of the word then and forever imprinted in my head. I forget the meaning of the word every now and then but life reminds me.
Who knew I would use to word to use how I was feeling, but the current state of my emotion is best described as Melancholy. All of a sudden I get engulfed in sadness. A few minutes back I was laughing with my friends and then Poof! went away my joy replaced by the sadness, and the reason I see none. Nothing has happened to me, life is as is or even better. I’m happy, joyful most of the time. I have good friends. Life is better than I thought it would be but there I am sad.
Is it a person? an event? a moment? a thought? What is the trigger of this feeling?
This heart seeks for an assurance,
that things are going to alright,
that I will find the love of my life,
that I will find happiness in someone new.
But for now, I will smile with the happy moments I have in a friendship
For now, I will smile with all that I have.
And not dwell on what could have been,
Not what I wish I had.
Live in today,
Live in the now.
Yet this heart wants this tomorrow as well.
This heart is greedy for these moments of happiness.
Leave for yourself
Leave for peace
Leave for possibilities
Leave for your future
Leave to search for freedom
Leave, enough pain has been felt
Leave, before things get worse
Leave, this is killing you
Leave to live
Leave to smile
Leave because you deserve a better life
Leave for yourself
Leave for possibilities
I can feel the shift of energy in you and now my energy is changing as well. And it is breaking me down. My heart and my soul. And I am praying that this won’t reach my body. I can’t have that, for that is going to affect a lot of people which I don’t want. I want to live a detached life, away from everyone. Why am I like this? Why can’t I change? Why am I this fragile? Why? Do u know?
I can feel your lips, may be because in some parallel universe I’m kissing you.
May be it’s my imagination but I want to believe it.
And I’m rooting for me in that universe who is living the dream.
Cheers to you another me!
I’m shutting myself down.
Need a break!
Going in autopilot.
These tears won’t fall
If only they did.
I cannot not love you
I cannot throw you out of my life
I want to but,
I am not going to kill my heart
It has been through enough for a lifetime.
Am I supposed to do the “right thing”?
I have no energy
I will make do
Let life take its course
For you will pass by me
I will pass by you
I will smile and
Thank you for being around
For what I feel is real
And I don’t need reciprocation
I don’t need validation
Nor am i asking for it
I am not doing anything wrong
I am going to feel this feeling
I am going to smile
For as long as I can
For as long as life will let me
For tomorrow I will cry
Today I will be happy.
Today I want to not exist, if it was a choice but unfortunately it is not. So I breathe heavily, wishing it were my last. I stomp the earth as hard as I can like my anger would go away but it hasn’t. I am angry at everything. And at myself the most for the person I am, the disappointment I am. Things need to change about myself or I will be this sad forever, a pathetic sad soul, a waste of an existence.