Emotions & people

Why are we complicated?
Why are we so emotional?

Do you know?
How would you?

You are busy killing yourself
You are your own biggest enemy.

You are lost in the happy ending that will not be
You are fight a fight you have already lost
You have been fighting alone
While he has been busy planning a future for himself.
I gave you my advice
I said throw him out
But I see you are still living in the lie
I don’t want to watch you kill yourself

You are heart broken
Your pack left you by yourself
I stayed as long as I could
I guess that was not enough
You have made your decision
You have shut me out
Now all I see is your dead face
For others you smile and you laugh
You pretend like I don’t exist
You think I haven’t noticed
When I asked
You said nothing

All I’m thinking about is why
Why are you doing this to yourself
Why am I so bothered by this
Why can’t I get you out of my mind
Why did I get shut out

When did you become this important.
I am sad
I want to help
But i’m cut in place hard to heal
How can I help you
When I can’t help myself
How can I give you everything
When I have nothing

Do you not understand?
Why the fuck are you so selfish?

Loved and lost

I broke up. I was happy and insecure about us. I told you everything, no lies and you still opened your arms for me when I wouldn’t have if I was in your place. I didn’t believe in love  but with you I thought I found “the one”. My immaturity caused you to suffer and I did too. I still am suffering but I won’t tell you that. If you are reading this let’s pretend you didn’t. Wish I could turn back time, erase my mistakes, be together. Me and my wishful thinking is going to drown me in sorrow and misery. I’m lost and it’s just me here, just me. onemanarmy, it’s tough to live, love, loose…

In a shell

Be it in life or death, I am alone and I know it, it’s one of those things you just know. And I weigh them both, in life there is everything, in death there is nothing and a question keeps nagging me ‘why choose life? Why choose everything when you can be at peace when there is nothing.’
Yet here I am breathing and living a life I despise in the name of responsibility that fell on my shoulder the day I was born or was it the day he died I’m not sure.
Yet here I am breathing and living being useless, being a failure, being a mistake. It like the strength have left me and little bit I have are being used to keep myself together because if dun do that I will be nothing.
Being nothing and having nothing are two different things; death takes away everything therefore you have nothing ,where as life is making me a nothing, all I have is a longing to be something.

Empty, hollow, cracked shell
taped together with everything left within
strength, hope, willpower
dreams to be filled with life and love
but knows that is impossible
coz there is nothing left here to love
may be new paint job?
even then who’d love a lifeless soul
left with anger, sadness and frustration

Nobody to rely on

Its very frustrating when the people u think you can count on dun give a fuck.
They ask whats and whys, they just look for loop holes to drop out on us. I forget this world is just filled with selfish fucks who are there for you as long as there is something that you can do for them. What i would have appreciated a ‘i cant do this for you’ rather than ‘why do i do this for you’, well to them i wanna shout ‘coz i fucking said so’ but thats not something i want to do as that reaction would just complicate things so i just stay quite and see things for what it is rather than what i thought it was. This world eh! Never is what you think it is, it is enveloped in layers and layers of illusions. Everything is just way more complicated than I like it and that being the reason i like to just stay out of everything and go about my way. Well it certainly feels like what is going to be like in days ahead.
The fault is mine, i just get too involved thinking of all things thats happening is good then it comes to this, me questioning everthing. I’m the kind of person who’d like to live upto my words and keep the promises i made but it seems like promises are made to be broken, and that kills the ounces of confidence i have left in me. It is really hard to live upto the words you gave others when you don’t have enough and there is a other person you gotta rely on. I forget that just coz i do things for people when they ask something of me doesn’t mean it will be done when i ask of something from them. Its times like these that makes me realise being on your own, alone is better.