Who doesn’t want to reach the moon and look at the earth the way we look up at the moon from down here? That’s the thing about expectations they want us to reach the moon, soar in the space and reach beyond the Milky Way galaxy. But for some of us staying afloat in this sea of life, not drown in it before reaching the shore is what we need to learn to be able to do then we can worry about sprouting the wings or building a space ship to get there. The most important thing in life is to learn to do your best, give all that you got in the given situation and live and smile.
I turned 22 this January, another reminder for me of the years laid wasted, not have achieved anything significant yet or am i still young for that i ask myself.
Birthday is that day i see people celebrating; why i don’t understand but still they spend it with people they love, care about, their family and friends. I spent that day like any other day, nothing special; I didn’t feel the need to announce it to the world either, if it did matter to anybody they would have remembered it but i guess i haven’t got anybody left around me who would remember, i never did let anybody stay, so expecting that would be stupid and i know that. Is there a part of me wishing i had some people left to make me feel special at times or make me feel like i mattered, i do, who wouldn’t. But at the end of the day it does all come down to how you feel about yourself more than what the rest of the world thinks of you. So i shut myself to the world because first i need to find comfort within, find comfort in this solitude and then i’d be able to survive and keep the hope alive. I know that is s lame reason but i find comfort here in solitude and then when i ready then i could go out to conquer the world. But that’s not all birthdays remind me.
As the time flies by, you get older with each day passing and new dreams come into life. You tell yourself you gotta do this and you gotta do that and you end up doing nothing. You tell yourself if not now then when and you don’t have an answer to that. Sometimes it feels like the time is up for you to live your dream even though they say its never too late you realize it is late sometimes; and there goes your dreams to be buried into the graveyard of life. With every birthday i just see the tomb stone filled yard of life and i wonder what is there to celebrate. Birthdays just remind me of the dead dreams i never got to live when i was supposed to, reminds me of all things i never got to have and now i’m just too old to have them, in another words the time has passed for alot of things and that cannot ever be recovered; they say you gotta be an optimist but being an optimist doesn’t include being delusional; I rather face the fact now than later then atleast sleep comes easy.
So that is how i do spend the day that marks the year gone by, just like any other day, the day i look at the tomb stones and remind myself the need to become stronger so that there wouldn’t be need to add more tomb stone to this already crowded graveyard of life.
Loosing the prospect of having something seems to have a bigger and a deeper impact than loosing something you have.
There I was just out of high school filled with dreams with hopes of being in the place or atleast closer to where I wanted to be, to become a doctor. I was excited telling everybody my dream and saying I’m going to do I would have to get there, little did I know the way this world this society worked. So I lost myself, found myself in a darkness I thought I could never get out of but I did and here I stand.
Our world is filled with lies, with hypocrisy which is corrupting the society, discouraging the dreamers. It seems to be only the world of people with power and money and nothing else matters. But there are few lucky ones who got to their destination, may be their talent got them there and I hope so because it’s not fair for everyone to have their dreams crushed. But me started off my journey from one thing in my head and ended up somewhere else, somewhere exactly opposite to where I intended to be. Its not that people hadn’t told me this could happen. I knew it very well even though I would not like to admit but as much as I would like to I didn’t put myself in this position I cant deny the fact I did with a lot of help from this society I live in. Not that I want to blame them but I do because it’s simply easier to move on and say this is LIFE and HOW THIS WORLD WORKS!
I ask myself from time to time “did I put in my best?” and the answer always is NO and I ask myself “why?” which is always unanswered because I know I’m to blame as well. It’s late now even though people say ‘it’s never too late’ I knew it was late for me but I gave up on my dream myself too soon. Did I waste my time? YES. I lost my drive, my enthusiasm and believed I couldn’t do it, believed that may be it wasn’t for me and started looking for a new dream there I was completely lost. I was out of my grounds; it’s not an easy thing to do to come out of your comfort zone to the unknown. But all it took was a bit of effort to make me believe that I can make it in this sick world. But that was short lived as I got PUT into a new track I tried avoiding from the beginning. Do I curse this world this society? Constantly; but I know I got to move on, and not give up on myself without one heck of a fight. Should I have had done that before may be who knows I might have been living my “dream”. Is that going to haunt me? Yes. But I learnt ‘to believe in myself to the end of the world’, so think of it my time wasn’t that much of a waste, I learnt something.
‘Something’s in life you have to go through yourself to learn off it which is just not possible to learn off other’s lives’ that how I’d like to put it and move on to next step in my life. Do I have some doubts? Yes. Am I finding it easy to start off at a point I’d never thought I’d be in to start with? NO, but what is easy in life in this world? NOTHING (May for few lucky ones; if you are one them GOOD FOR YOU). So the moral of the story is, even if your dream gets crushed don’t let it crush you rather learn off the bad experience come out of it stronger. I think I have.