I try sometimes to remember good times from the days that has gone by and I dun seem to recall any. Is my definition of good times wrong or did I just pass all these time without a single moment to hold precious, a moment I was completely happy. This makes me wonder if the definition of happiness is wrong as well. And that is all I have moments filled with confusion, scared of letting go and just setting myself free is what I dream of instead I give myself reason why not to do things I want to or I simply put them off saying to myself that time is yet to come but the truth be told I dunno how long I’m here in this world for. This makes me ask myself if the time full of uncertainties will be enough or if I will just put them off once again like I’m doing it right now. Why do I put this restrain on myself to act? I’m just feeling things and may be that is only because I can’t control that, if I had it in me to choose I would have probably choose to stop feeling anything like they show vampires shutting off their humanity! Haha to that!! Or maybe I’m dun have to be a vampire to do that, maybe I’m already doing it on some level and I just dunno about it. So here I am feeling empty, wondering if I’d make the same kinda noise like a empty vessel does. I wonder if this is how it’s going to be all the way through my life. Hopefully not, hopefully not.
i was not afraid to die
i was afraid of the emptiness i felt inside
i couldnt feel anything, that’s what scared me
it came into my thought and it filled then it felt good