Be it in life or death, I am alone and I know it, it’s one of those things you just know. And I weigh them both, in life there is everything, in death there is nothing and a question keeps nagging me ‘why choose life? Why choose everything when you can be at peace when there is nothing.’
Yet here I am breathing and living a life I despise in the name of responsibility that fell on my shoulder the day I was born or was it the day he died I’m not sure.
Yet here I am breathing and living being useless, being a failure, being a mistake. It like the strength have left me and little bit I have are being used to keep myself together because if dun do that I will be nothing.
Being nothing and having nothing are two different things; death takes away everything therefore you have nothing ,where as life is making me a nothing, all I have is a longing to be something.
Empty, hollow, cracked shell
taped together with everything left within
strength, hope, willpower
dreams to be filled with life and love
but knows that is impossible
coz there is nothing left here to love
may be new paint job?
even then who’d love a lifeless soul
left with anger, sadness and frustration
There I was just out of high school filled with dreams with hopes of being in the place or atleast closer to where I wanted to be, to become a doctor. I was excited telling everybody my dream and saying I’m going to do I would have to get there, little did I know the way this world this society worked. So I lost myself, found myself in a darkness I thought I could never get out of but I did and here I stand.
Our world is filled with lies, with hypocrisy which is corrupting the society, discouraging the dreamers. It seems to be only the world of people with power and money and nothing else matters. But there are few lucky ones who got to their destination, may be their talent got them there and I hope so because it’s not fair for everyone to have their dreams crushed. But me started off my journey from one thing in my head and ended up somewhere else, somewhere exactly opposite to where I intended to be. Its not that people hadn’t told me this could happen. I knew it very well even though I would not like to admit but as much as I would like to I didn’t put myself in this position I cant deny the fact I did with a lot of help from this society I live in. Not that I want to blame them but I do because it’s simply easier to move on and say this is LIFE and HOW THIS WORLD WORKS!
I ask myself from time to time “did I put in my best?” and the answer always is NO and I ask myself “why?” which is always unanswered because I know I’m to blame as well. It’s late now even though people say ‘it’s never too late’ I knew it was late for me but I gave up on my dream myself too soon. Did I waste my time? YES. I lost my drive, my enthusiasm and believed I couldn’t do it, believed that may be it wasn’t for me and started looking for a new dream there I was completely lost. I was out of my grounds; it’s not an easy thing to do to come out of your comfort zone to the unknown. But all it took was a bit of effort to make me believe that I can make it in this sick world. But that was short lived as I got PUT into a new track I tried avoiding from the beginning. Do I curse this world this society? Constantly; but I know I got to move on, and not give up on myself without one heck of a fight. Should I have had done that before may be who knows I might have been living my “dream”. Is that going to haunt me? Yes. But I learnt ‘to believe in myself to the end of the world’, so think of it my time wasn’t that much of a waste, I learnt something.
‘Something’s in life you have to go through yourself to learn off it which is just not possible to learn off other’s lives’ that how I’d like to put it and move on to next step in my life. Do I have some doubts? Yes. Am I finding it easy to start off at a point I’d never thought I’d be in to start with? NO, but what is easy in life in this world? NOTHING (May for few lucky ones; if you are one them GOOD FOR YOU). So the moral of the story is, even if your dream gets crushed don’t let it crush you rather learn off the bad experience come out of it stronger. I think I have.