Chasing Ghosts

Why am I running after ghosts? People I wish were with me. Feelings I wish existed. Realities I dream of. Why am I causing my own unhappiness and expecting others to take care of it! Why am I expecting so much from outside when I know this is something that needs to be addressed from inside. Why I chasing after what is not there? Why?

My desperation for love, friendship has cost me my self-worth, my energy and filled me with negativity. These people are adults, they have lives they are focused on I cannot be a nuisance for them to deal with but be the support for them when they need me. For now, I need to focus on myself and it makes me feel lonely to deal with this alone but I have to do this on my own. Stand up again on my own, gather strength to be everything I need to be, the best version of me.

No more excuses. No more hiding behind excuses. No more complaining. No more expecting. No more trying to force anything on anyone. No more putting others first. No more losing myself in this maze of life. It is time to rise now.

It is time for the ghosts to the dissappear. If they are to materialize welcome with open arms. That is it!

Arms wide open

So you have been avoiding me. I understand. I might have done something but i think you have overthought things and it’s okay. You need your space to deal with everything i guess. I opened my heart to you and you have chosen silence. Guess I now know what you have thought of me all along. It hurts. But it’s okay I can take it. Because I am strong. Because I still care for you and till you are ready to return, when you do, my arms are wide open for you.

I will survive this. I will not entertain these negative thought in my head. I will be positive. I will let go. I will live on. I will smile and laugh.

Gone with the wind

So I have fallen from your graces

So I don’t matter

Did  I ever?

What happened to the love that was thrown around?

Was it pretend?

It feels that way.

I thought it was real, guess it ain’t.

So i shall leave

So you don’t have to turn away anymore.

Love. All love. Lost. Gone with the wind.

All thats left is my bruised heart.

That will never trust again.

Back in solitude. Where it belongs.

Where it shall remain.