Seeking Assurances

This heart seeks for an assurance,
that things are going to alright,
that I will find the love of my life,
that I will find happiness in someone new.

But for now, I will smile with the happy moments I have in a friendship
For now, I will smile with all that I have.
And not dwell on what could have been,
Not what I wish I had.

Live in today,
Live in the now.
Yet this heart wants this tomorrow as well.
This heart is greedy for these moments of happiness.

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Asking for Love

There comes a time when, multiple times in life, you find yourself very lonely. You could be around people but you still chose to stay alone because them being around does not change the fact that I am feeling lonely.

Growing up I have been a loner, a sad fellow who always manage to hide the fact really well. I grew up to accept it, adjust to it and then I fell for someone. I mattered to someone. I was loved by someone. Life was beautiful, it was all colorful. I was happy and I knew it, felt it. I found great friends, I mattered to them. We drank, we sang, we enjoyed our times together. I was not lonely anymore. I was not sad. Sure I still had things that were bothering me but I was happy.

Things then went south. I lost of lot of thing. Reasons sometimes were me, circumstances, them but that does not matter. Because the fact that I’ve lost everything I had does not change now knowing these reason, blaming someone or times. I don’t know who I am anymore or what I’m to do right now. So my choice has become to stay alone. Try to find my peace. Try to find my stabilizing agent.

They say your happiness has to come from within, from you. But for some reason I am unable to love myself. The love has always come from others and them I have lost and along with them their love as well. I was trying to hunt for love but I forgot love is given not asked for.