Emotions & people

Why are we complicated?
Why are we so emotional?

Do you know?
How would you?

You are busy killing yourself
You are your own biggest enemy.

You are lost in the happy ending that will not be
You are fight a fight you have already lost
You have been fighting alone
While he has been busy planning a future for himself.
I gave you my advice
I said throw him out
But I see you are still living in the lie
I don’t want to watch you kill yourself

You are heart broken
Your pack left you by yourself
I stayed as long as I could
I guess that was not enough
You have made your decision
You have shut me out
Now all I see is your dead face
For others you smile and you laugh
You pretend like I don’t exist
You think I haven’t noticed
When I asked
You said nothing

All I’m thinking about is why
Why are you doing this to yourself
Why am I so bothered by this
Why can’t I get you out of my mind
Why did I get shut out

When did you become this important.
I am sad
I want to help
But i’m cut in place hard to heal
How can I help you
When I can’t help myself
How can I give you everything
When I have nothing

Do you not understand?
Why the fuck are you so selfish?

Gone with the wind

So I have fallen from your graces

So I don’t matter

Did  I ever?

What happened to the love that was thrown around?

Was it pretend?

It feels that way.

I thought it was real, guess it ain’t.

So i shall leave

So you don’t have to turn away anymore.

Love. All love. Lost. Gone with the wind.

All thats left is my bruised heart.

That will never trust again.

Back in solitude. Where it belongs.

Where it shall remain.

Dear Stranger

You came into my life completely unexpectedly. You reminded of things I was trying so hard to give up on. I thought you were a kid; I call you kid and here I am now longing to call you so many things. You know what we have is something else and you accept it but yet you run from us, from everything we have. I hope you don’t end up regretting your decision later on in your life. A part of me want you to regret, wants you to realize what you gave up on but then a part of me wishes you were just being nice to me and never meant the words you told me. I don’t want to accept either of them to be the truth.

I have never felt this strongly before or fought this hard for a person. I am the kind who lets go, moves on. Yet here I am wishing I could talk to you every night like we used to. We talked everyday for small period of time and yet here I am wishing it I was talking to you over writing this right now. I would travel back in time to fix but then I don’t know what to fix. It’s sad to loose something when you know you could be happy with. I can still see myself very happy with. I can see us. Together. Yet it feels like we are strangers now; we are where we began. Nowhere.

I would prefer a “I’m sorry, you are not who I thought you were” to this “You are great but I dun deserve you”. It is may be because I know it’s all crap and you just know I’m not the one you want to be with.

I do have a regret about us. I could not see myself with you initially so I avoided meeting you. What if I had met you? What if I went for when you invited me for lunch? What if i had gone to the movies with you? What if…That is all I’m left with right now. Filled with regret.

With regret, I also carry hope. Hope, that we’ll cross path again. I wish we are meant to be. May be, just not now.