I try sometimes to remember good times from the days that has gone by and I dun seem to recall any. Is my definition of good times wrong or did I just pass all these time without a single moment to hold precious, a moment I was completely happy. This makes me wonder if the definition of happiness is wrong as well. And that is all I have moments filled with confusion, scared of letting go and just setting myself free is what I dream of instead I give myself reason why not to do things I want to or I simply put them off saying to myself that time is yet to come but the truth be told I dunno how long I’m here in this world for. This makes me ask myself if the time full of uncertainties will be enough or if I will just put them off once again like I’m doing it right now. Why do I put this restrain on myself to act? I’m just feeling things and may be that is only because I can’t control that, if I had it in me to choose I would have probably choose to stop feeling anything like they show vampires shutting off their humanity! Haha to that!! Or maybe I’m dun have to be a vampire to do that, maybe I’m already doing it on some level and I just dunno about it. So here I am feeling empty, wondering if I’d make the same kinda noise like a empty vessel does. I wonder if this is how it’s going to be all the way through my life. Hopefully not, hopefully not.
It’s the start of festivities here in Nepal; a bit late this year due to astrological stuffs i thinks but The Dashain is finally here! so, HAPPY VIJAYA DASHAMI to everyone reading this.
If u don’t know what exactly i’m talking about, Dashain is a major festival for all the hindus, especially for all the Nepalese. It is the most important one like Christmas is for all the Christians all over the world. This is one of those times when most families spend together play cards, fly kites,bamboo swings, eat a lot of meat and worship a particular goddess Durga, i think she’s goddess of prosperity and protection. There are just too many gods to which one does what. The way i see it there are many forms and everything but there is one almighty “GOD”.
Now that i’m thinking about Dashain it brings lots of good memories, days when my grandmom was with us and all of us used to gather there and spend the days, now that those days won’t be happening they seem to mean more than they used to. I remember back when i was in school i would be all excited a month prior to playing cards and yea about new clothes too. It’s the festival when everyone buys new clothes and where them on a particular day of “Tika”. Thats the day when all the elders put tika(grains mixed with read colour) on the forehead of the younger ones along with Jamara(people grow this barley sprout on a small pot covered from sunlight) and Dakshina(money). I remember being all excited about what to do with all the money i would get, this festival is very special for especially for the kids of my country. But what i like about this festival is what it stands for, that is collecting all the blessings from your elders. This festival is about family, about love and respect for one another. It’s like they are reminding us what matters in life; well who ever started this festival knew what they were doing.