Heart breaker

So this is what it feels like
to have crushed somebody’s heart
Dead, like there is nothing in me anymore
just a deep black hole and it doesn’t matter what I do
I won’t be able to fill that hole within.

So this is what is feels like
to have broken somebody’s soul
and my human instinct just tells me to move on
pushes me to keep living on another day, mundane tasks that won’t really matter in the end it just won’t matter.

empty. void. selfish. survival.
Survive, that’s the word my head is repeating to me, Survive.

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In a shell

Be it in life or death, I am alone and I know it, it’s one of those things you just know. And I weigh them both, in life there is everything, in death there is nothing and a question keeps nagging me ‘why choose life? Why choose everything when you can be at peace when there is nothing.’
Yet here I am breathing and living a life I despise in the name of responsibility that fell on my shoulder the day I was born or was it the day he died I’m not sure.
Yet here I am breathing and living being useless, being a failure, being a mistake. It like the strength have left me and little bit I have are being used to keep myself together because if dun do that I will be nothing.
Being nothing and having nothing are two different things; death takes away everything therefore you have nothing ,where as life is making me a nothing, all I have is a longing to be something.

Empty, hollow, cracked shell
taped together with everything left within
strength, hope, willpower
dreams to be filled with life and love
but knows that is impossible
coz there is nothing left here to love
may be new paint job?
even then who’d love a lifeless soul
left with anger, sadness and frustration
alone.

Nothingness…

I did okay today and I feel nothing, not sad i screwed up few(may be more than few) problems, not happy that I’m going to pass, just nothing. Is this how its going to be? This sorta scares me. May be its because I actually tried today, that there is still hope left. Or is it because my head is aching? I wish I could get some answers but that ain’t gonna happen.  So I’m just going to dwell in this feeling tonight, this feeling of nothingness, it’s good to feel a different feel for a change. It’s way much better than feel like a looser all the time anyway. That’s probably why i just didn’t stop walking to talk to people and take that chance of feeling miserable again, I just wanted to keep this nothingness to being miserable.