Why am I running after ghosts? People I wish were with me. Feelings I wish existed. Realities I dream of. Why am I causing my own unhappiness and expecting others to take care of it! Why am I expecting so much from outside when I know this is something that needs to be addressed from inside. Why I chasing after what is not there? Why?
My desperation for love, friendship has cost me my self-worth, my energy and filled me with negativity. These people are adults, they have lives they are focused on I cannot be a nuisance for them to deal with but be the support for them when they need me. For now, I need to focus on myself and it makes me feel lonely to deal with this alone but I have to do this on my own. Stand up again on my own, gather strength to be everything I need to be, the best version of me.
No more excuses. No more hiding behind excuses. No more complaining. No more expecting. No more trying to force anything on anyone. No more putting others first. No more losing myself in this maze of life. It is time to rise now.
It is time for the ghosts to the dissappear. If they are to materialize welcome with open arms. That is it!
The pain you went through is what made you into who you are,
A successful professional
A shrewed person
A sharp tounged bitch
I hope you change.
Because your mother deserves better daughter
Because your child deserves a better mother
Because your husband deserves a loving wife.
Your success will fade
Your money will run out
All you will have is your ego.
The closer you get to people, you get exposed to their cruel side, their dark side, their fucked-up side you did not think existed. You want to scream at them on top of your lungs, tell them to fuck off.
Fuck you! Fuck you asshole!
But then what’s the point? They are who they are, and I doubt people are going to change. It is you who has to adjust. You just saw them for who they can become, a part of them.
But the fault is my own. I trusted. I relied on them. I gave them everything. I gave them me, the unfiltered me. And in return, I expected honesty, understanding but instead, I got a slap on my face, I was left with the well-deserved turmoil inside which is eating me inside-out. I feel like this feeling is killing me from within. I blame me, that’s it!
As for them, I accept them for their goodness and their darkness, the whole, the Ying and the Yang.
Why are we complicated?
Why are we so emotional?
Do you know?
How would you?
You are busy killing yourself
You are your own biggest enemy.
You are lost in the happy ending that will not be
You are fight a fight you have already lost
You have been fighting alone
While he has been busy planning a future for himself.
I gave you my advice
I said throw him out
But I see you are still living in the lie
I don’t want to watch you kill yourself
You are heart broken
Your pack left you by yourself
I stayed as long as I could
I guess that was not enough
You have made your decision
You have shut me out
Now all I see is your dead face
For others you smile and you laugh
You pretend like I don’t exist
You think I haven’t noticed
When I asked
You said nothing
All I’m thinking about is why
Why are you doing this to yourself
Why am I so bothered by this
Why can’t I get you out of my mind
Why did I get shut out
When did you become this important.
I am sad
I want to help
But i’m cut in place hard to heal
How can I help you
When I can’t help myself
How can I give you everything
When I have nothing
Do you not understand?
Why the fuck are you so selfish?
There is no black and white. Everybody is a different shade of grey.
You came like a storm
Rained on me
The sky is clear now
But the night is still dark
And I am still alone.
Life is not a fairy tale. We are not prince and princess. Some people need a reality check to remind them. Some already know. Some never learn.