Nobody to rely on

Its very frustrating when the people u think you can count on dun give a fuck.
They ask whats and whys, they just look for loop holes to drop out on us. I forget this world is just filled with selfish fucks who are there for you as long as there is something that you can do for them. What i would have appreciated a ‘i cant do this for you’ rather than ‘why do i do this for you’, well to them i wanna shout ‘coz i fucking said so’ but thats not something i want to do as that reaction would just complicate things so i just stay quite and see things for what it is rather than what i thought it was. This world eh! Never is what you think it is, it is enveloped in layers and layers of illusions. Everything is just way more complicated than I like it and that being the reason i like to just stay out of everything and go about my way. Well it certainly feels like what is going to be like in days ahead.
The fault is mine, i just get too involved thinking of all things thats happening is good then it comes to this, me questioning everthing. I’m the kind of person who’d like to live upto my words and keep the promises i made but it seems like promises are made to be broken, and that kills the ounces of confidence i have left in me. It is really hard to live upto the words you gave others when you don’t have enough and there is a other person you gotta rely on. I forget that just coz i do things for people when they ask something of me doesn’t mean it will be done when i ask of something from them. Its times like these that makes me realise being on your own, alone is better.

OneManArmy

What is life? This is a question with no particular answer. It is something different for each one of us, some call it a mystery, some a journey, I call it WAR, it’s a series of continuous battles.Every morning I wake up, I know a battle awaits, a battle with myself, with the world and the list goes on. There are just too many thing to fight with that winning doesn’t become your priority you just gotta survive every attack, what matters in the end is for you to still be breathing to fight another day. At times we find ourselves all worn and torn, and surrounded by the enemies and we don’t get to say “I gotta rest” or “can we do this tomorrow?”. And the worst would be when there’s nobody there to help you out, yea sure people might tell you there are gonna be there but they fail to keep their words, they are only human BUT we can’t stop we must go on as a…..One Man Army! May be life is a war meant to be fought alone (atleast that’s how it is for me, that’s how i see it). In this war we should always be ready for the worst that could happen in every situation but never forget to enjoy and LIVE the moments..for at the worst of times these moments is what gets you going and not give in and surrender in this war. Its not necessary to win every battle, what’s important is how you use what you learnt from all the battles to survive to win. In the long run how many battles you lost wont matter, what will matters is if you fought with all your might and never give up. You cannot tell yourself you can’t fight anymore, you just need to FIGHT!!

For me if I do that till the end I think when the angel of deaths comes I’ll go with a smile.

A dream that got crushed

There I was just out of high school filled with dreams with hopes of being in the place or atleast closer to where I wanted to be, to become a doctor. I was excited telling everybody my dream and saying I’m going to do I would have to get there, little did I know the way this world this society worked. So I lost myself, found myself in a darkness I thought I could never get out of but I did and here I stand.

Our world is filled with lies, with hypocrisy which is corrupting the society, discouraging the dreamers. It seems to be only the world of people with power and money and nothing else matters. But there are few lucky ones who got to their destination, may be their talent got them there and I hope so because it’s not fair for everyone to have their dreams crushed. But me started off my journey from one thing in my head and ended up somewhere else, somewhere exactly opposite to where I intended to be. Its not that people hadn’t told me this could happen. I knew it very well even though I would not like to admit but as much as I would like to I didn’t put myself in this position I cant deny the fact I did with a lot of help from this society I live in. Not that I want to blame them but I do because it’s simply easier to move on and say this is LIFE and HOW THIS WORLD WORKS!

I ask myself from time to time “did I put in my best?” and the answer always is NO and I ask myself “why?” which is always unanswered because I know I’m to blame as well. It’s late now even though people say ‘it’s never too late’ I knew it was late for me but I gave up on my dream myself too soon. Did I waste my time? YES. I lost my drive, my enthusiasm and believed I couldn’t do it, believed that may be it wasn’t for me and started looking for a new dream there I was completely lost. I was out of my grounds; it’s not an easy thing to do to come out of your comfort zone to the unknown. But all it took was a bit of effort to make me believe that I can make it in this sick world. But that was short lived as I got PUT into a new track I tried avoiding from the beginning. Do I curse this world this society? Constantly; but I know I got to move on, and not give up on myself without one heck of a fight. Should I have had done that before may be who knows I might have been living my “dream”. Is that going to haunt me? Yes. But I learnt ‘to believe in myself to the end of the world’, so think of it my time wasn’t that much of a waste, I learnt something.

‘Something’s in life you have to go through yourself to learn off it which is just not possible to learn off other’s lives’ that how I’d like to put it and move on to next step in my life. Do I have some doubts? Yes. Am I finding it easy to start off at a point I’d never thought I’d be in to start with? NO, but what is easy in life in this world? NOTHING (May for few lucky ones; if you are one them GOOD FOR YOU). So the moral of the story is, even if your dream gets crushed don’t let it crush you rather learn off the bad experience come out of it stronger. I think I have.