As we kissed, you said “I love you”
And i mumbled “Okay”
I hurt the last person who said that to me.
You said again “I love you”
And I mumbled “I love you too”
But love alone is not enough.
You said “are you sure? you don’t have to say it”
I said “i will have to ask myself that”
Were the words said for the sake of it, do these words weight this little?
I did feel the love the first night we spent together. It was beautiful.
But where are we going? I don’t see it. I barely know you.
Are these all words coming as excuses to stay away from love, or you don’t feel the same?
A moment, could be a second, a minute, a day or two and that is all it takes for you to make that decision, a life changing decision that might involve another person but YOU make that decision and announce it to the world.
Today was a weird day, the first thing i heard from my friend was that he got dumped by his girlfriend of almost nine years and that shook me. They had something that would make anybody jealous, they were so happy so comfortable with one another and the only way i saw that relationship end was on marriage not over a fight. He had lost weight in a matter of a week, hadn’t slept and asked me what he should do. I didn’t know how to respond, the only decent advice i could give him was to talk to her, apologize to her, wait for her. But that is how i saw it, may be not what he should do, i can only imagine what he is going through and not know it for real for there is a big difference between knowing something and thinking you know something. I just find myself in a position i hate the most. That helpless spot where you can’t do anything but just sit there and watch, just be there and that is all i can do. I know because I’ve done that before my other really good friend. Same thing happened to him too, his girl of 4 years dumped him for another guy as it turned out later. That has completely changed him, way he thinks, way he sees the world, how he lives, its like he has become another person. But atleast he found out why she left him. The worst is not knowing why someone wants to just stop and cut down the relationship the two of you share. My best friend from school just went out of touch, the one girl i wanted to be with didn’t wanted to and everybody else I don’t want to be with. I have in ways lost faith in this thing called relationship, you think its unbreakable, very strong but it took a moment for people to decide it wasn’t worth their time. So in real it just turned out to be a fragile thing.
I wonder why does that happen to people around me? Am i a bad luck for the people i care about? And few event in my life sort of proves it to be so if you look at it from a certain angle. But i shouldn’t be making this about me, should i? Because it is not about me, its about them. But can’t deny the fact that looking at these things unfold around does send a chill down my spine, will affect the decisions i will make in the days to come.
What saddens me the most is that, you see your life all pictured out, you know where you are going, what you need to do, and then in a moment POOF! it goes up in smoke. You find yourself lost and helpless and you start to see the light of hope dying out. Now that i know, know how it feels and how to deal with it but i don’t want to see it happen to others because i know what that does to you.
Life, you think you know it and there is just more things that unfolds itself with time. There are times when you find answers first and then the questions, funny isn’t it?
In life it seems it doesn’t matter what u want or get, even if things are given to you on a silver platter, if you are not ready for it all the things will just goes in the opposite direction to where they should be heading. Especially when it comes to big things like Relationships you gotta be ready for it, like they said its easy to fall in love but the hard part comes later and that’s “relationship”. Now if you think i’m talking from a experience, you are wrong. It’s just up in my head but something tells me I’m right but i could be wrong too. This is the answer i just “discovered” i was talking about in the beginning and now u might be wondering what the question is then. So here is the thing, i have this sort of void in my life, in myself and I’ve been just trying to fill that. At times I’ve thought may be relationships is it and have tried to get into that but i just found myself not being about to see myself actually being able to do that, the whole being in a relationship ordeal. That feeling of wanting something then you just screw that up for yourself gotta mean I’m just not ready for that. So now i gotta find out why. This time with the questions first and when i find the answers i might go for the whole filling the void with relationship deal but for now i just need to find why am i running away for a lot of things in life which needs to stop for my own well-being. I think i might have the answers but still there are others things to look at which i haven’t done. You know what life is a Pandora’s Box, you just don’t know what you might find, what you might realize.