Imaginary love

The idea of love has always given me a hope of finding peace and happiness in life. May be that is why I go searching for love even when I strongly feel love is not found by searching, but love will come looking for you. But this heart of mine is not patient, therefore I have become a victim of imaginary love.

I am different, not your average Joe but knowing this is feels like the biggest cruse when you need to hold you heart back of whom it desires, for love felt only by one and not reciprocated by another causes nothing but harm. But the saddest part is the other person not knowing the existence of the love. You don’t have the courage to confront this feeling and you settle for the imaginary love. The question I ask, must the other person know? Why can’t I be selfish and just take all the feeling this imaginary love can give me? The good feeling, the hurt, the sadness, everything. What is wrong in feeling all this. I will have to move on till then, let me drown myself in this imagined love. Something is better than nothing. And this thought has made a willing victim out of me.

via Daily Prompt: Imaginary

Emotions & people

Why are we complicated?
Why are we so emotional?

Do you know?
How would you?

You are busy killing yourself
You are your own biggest enemy.

You are lost in the happy ending that will not be
You are fight a fight you have already lost
You have been fighting alone
While he has been busy planning a future for himself.
I gave you my advice
I said throw him out
But I see you are still living in the lie
I don’t want to watch you kill yourself

You are heart broken
Your pack left you by yourself
I stayed as long as I could
I guess that was not enough
You have made your decision
You have shut me out
Now all I see is your dead face
For others you smile and you laugh
You pretend like I don’t exist
You think I haven’t noticed
When I asked
You said nothing

All I’m thinking about is why
Why are you doing this to yourself
Why am I so bothered by this
Why can’t I get you out of my mind
Why did I get shut out

When did you become this important.
I am sad
I want to help
But i’m cut in place hard to heal
How can I help you
When I can’t help myself
How can I give you everything
When I have nothing

Do you not understand?
Why the fuck are you so selfish?

Rumors… may be

I hear rumors flying around about you. Makes me question if I was living a lie. I thought you could come to me and talk to me.

We were not meant for one another.
It’s funny how I went from I want you in my life to this.

Now I want to leave you to figure it out for yourself. You were already doing that. But now I’ve stopped wishing you’d told me, spoke your mind and heart out. May be you tried and I just wasn’t there. More the reason to believe that the universe wanting us to go separate ways.

May be this is what I’m tell myself now to put my guilt away.
May be I’m being selfish.
May be it is the true.
May be this is all a complete lie.

Nobody to rely on

Its very frustrating when the people u think you can count on dun give a fuck.
They ask whats and whys, they just look for loop holes to drop out on us. I forget this world is just filled with selfish fucks who are there for you as long as there is something that you can do for them. What i would have appreciated a ‘i cant do this for you’ rather than ‘why do i do this for you’, well to them i wanna shout ‘coz i fucking said so’ but thats not something i want to do as that reaction would just complicate things so i just stay quite and see things for what it is rather than what i thought it was. This world eh! Never is what you think it is, it is enveloped in layers and layers of illusions. Everything is just way more complicated than I like it and that being the reason i like to just stay out of everything and go about my way. Well it certainly feels like what is going to be like in days ahead.
The fault is mine, i just get too involved thinking of all things thats happening is good then it comes to this, me questioning everthing. I’m the kind of person who’d like to live upto my words and keep the promises i made but it seems like promises are made to be broken, and that kills the ounces of confidence i have left in me. It is really hard to live upto the words you gave others when you don’t have enough and there is a other person you gotta rely on. I forget that just coz i do things for people when they ask something of me doesn’t mean it will be done when i ask of something from them. Its times like these that makes me realise being on your own, alone is better.