Dear Stranger

You came into my life completely unexpectedly. You reminded of things I was trying so hard to give up on. I thought you were a kid; I call you kid and here I am now longing to call you so many things. You know what we have is something else and you accept it but yet you run from us, from everything we have. I hope you don’t end up regretting your decision later on in your life. A part of me want you to regret, wants you to realize what you gave up on but then a part of me wishes you were just being nice to me and never meant the words you told me. I don’t want to accept either of them to be the truth.

I have never felt this strongly before or fought this hard for a person. I am the kind who lets go, moves on. Yet here I am wishing I could talk to you every night like we used to. We talked everyday for small period of time and yet here I am wishing it I was talking to you over writing this right now. I would travel back in time to fix but then I don’t know what to fix. It’s sad to loose something when you know you could be happy with. I can still see myself very happy with. I can see us. Together. Yet it feels like we are strangers now; we are where we began. Nowhere.

I would prefer a “I’m sorry, you are not who I thought you were” to this “You are great but I dun deserve you”. It is may be because I know it’s all crap and you just know I’m not the one you want to be with.

I do have a regret about us. I could not see myself with you initially so I avoided meeting you. What if I had met you? What if I went for when you invited me for lunch? What if i had gone to the movies with you? What if…That is all I’m left with right now. Filled with regret.

With regret, I also carry hope. Hope, that we’ll cross path again. I wish we are meant to be. May be, just not now.

 

 

A smile

I want to die with a smile on my face so people know that i died a happy man.
They say smiling is good for health, good for your face muscles, But that’s not the reason i smile.
They say smile to a stranger, may be the stranger will smile back at you and u wouldn’t be a stranger no more but that’s not the reason either.
I smile because i don’t know anything else that i can do.
I smile because it is one hell of a good mask to put on.
It’s a bloody good distraction for people to not look into my eyes but see the smile
Because my eyes aren’t good at concealing my feeling; My feelings i like to keep to myself.
So i put on my mask, i put on a smile.
And so when i die i don’t want people to know of my faults, of my failures, of my frustrations.
I want them to see my smile, forget all the questions, forget everything and say that i died a happy man.