Death is definite

I am only human.

I have said it before and I will repeat it again and again, for it is a fact. It is neither good nor bad. It is just how it is.

Human are instruments of both good and bad. What a human does is up to him, his choices – good or bad. He is responsible for his actions, whether he did it consciously or unknowingly. It is his responsibility. He can’t fight it. He has to accept it. He has to own it. How he does it is up to him.

I deal with the good and the bad by telling myself, I am only human. I accept my actions. I accept the mistakes I made, I apologize. I will try not to repeat the mistake again but the fact remains what is done is done and cannot be undone. That is another fact,

We can’t undo what is already done. Unless you can control time. I can’t. I am a mere human

I have been on earth for 26 years now, most of which I have spent as a child. Now even my childish ways haven’t left me and I don’t think it ever will. As long as I acknowledge my mistakes, learn to not repeat them and actually learn from them, I will be fine.I have to be. I want to live, experience everything as they come along, deal with it all and survive. For I will die and I want to die with a smile. I know I am not perfect, I don’t think anybody is.

I am my own perfect self and I will never fit into anybody definition of perfection.

My days are numbered and in these days I want to live, do what I need to and let the days pass. I do not want an extra-ordinary life. Just a simple, plain life. I just want to live.

Advertisements

Graveyard of dreams

I turned 22 this January, another reminder for me of the years laid wasted, not  have achieved anything significant yet or am i still young for that i ask myself.

Birthday is that day i see people celebrating; why i don’t understand but still they spend it with people they love, care about, their family and friends. I spent that day like any other day, nothing special; I didn’t feel the need to announce it to the world either, if it did matter to anybody they would have remembered it but i guess i haven’t got anybody left around me who would remember, i never did let anybody stay, so expecting that would be stupid and i know that. Is there a part of me wishing i had some people left to make me feel special at times or make me feel like i mattered, i do, who wouldn’t. But at the end of the day it does all come down to how you feel about yourself more than what the rest of the world thinks of you. So i shut myself to the world because first i need to find comfort within, find comfort in this solitude and then i’d be able to survive and keep the hope alive. I know that is s lame reason but i find comfort here in solitude and then when i ready then i could go out to conquer the world. But that’s not all birthdays remind me.

As the time flies by, you get older with each day passing and new dreams come into life. You tell yourself you gotta do this and you gotta do that and you end up doing nothing. You tell yourself if not now then when and you don’t have an answer to that. Sometimes it feels like the time is up for you to live your dream even though they say its never too late you realize it is late sometimes; and there goes your dreams to be buried into the graveyard of life. With every birthday i just see the tomb stone filled yard of life and i wonder what is there to celebrate. Birthdays just remind me of the dead dreams i never got to live when i was supposed to, reminds me of all things i never got to have and now i’m just too old to have them, in another words the time has passed for alot of things and that cannot ever be recovered; they say you gotta be an optimist but being an optimist doesn’t include being delusional; I rather face the fact now than later then atleast sleep comes easy.

So that is how i do spend the day that marks the year gone by, just like any other day, the day i look at the tomb stones and remind myself the need to become stronger so that there wouldn’t be need to add more tomb stone to this already crowded graveyard of life.