struggles in life and within
Seeing you smile made me happy this morning
I was worried about you
May I don’t need to be maya
Keep smiling forever and always
Find reasons to smile
I’m happy you have found friends who are helping you find your smile
But this selfish heart is jealous that it isn’t me
I want to die with a smile on my face so people know that i died a happy man.
They say smiling is good for health, good for your face muscles, But that’s not the reason i smile.
They say smile to a stranger, may be the stranger will smile back at you and u wouldn’t be a stranger no more but that’s not the reason either.
I smile because i don’t know anything else that i can do.
I smile because it is one hell of a good mask to put on.
It’s a bloody good distraction for people to not look into my eyes but see the smile
Because my eyes aren’t good at concealing my feeling; My feelings i like to keep to myself.
So i put on my mask, i put on a smile.
And so when i die i don’t want people to know of my faults, of my failures, of my frustrations.
I want them to see my smile, forget all the questions, forget everything and say that i died a happy man.
Who doesn’t want to reach the moon and look at the earth the way we look up at the moon from down here? That’s the thing about expectations they want us to reach the moon, soar in the space and reach beyond the Milky Way galaxy. But for some of us staying afloat in this sea of life, not drown in it before reaching the shore is what we need to learn to be able to do then we can worry about sprouting the wings or building a space ship to get there. The most important thing in life is to learn to do your best, give all that you got in the given situation and live and smile.
I need a breather.
As i look back, all i see are the wrong things that has happened, all the complains and all i see myself do is whine about everything that went wrong, every-time i was this close; i would hold up two finger to compare the closeness and now i’m tired of it all, so i need a breather.
Life can’t only be about all of these, of failure, of injustice, of sad, bad and the gloomy stuffs; there has got to be good things out there, life has have success and happiness, things that are worth remembering till the last breath is drawn. But i look at myself and i wonder why am i not being able to focus on the positives, why not be happy about the little success i’ve had till now, about the times like when i was so happy i passed a subject on my second attempt; see there lies in my problem not being able to focus on the good sides to life, not trusting myself enough, not working hard enough, chickening out in the last minute, not taking the initiative to do anything that i want to do is what make me hate myself, the funny thing is i know that.
So here i let it all go, my frustration, complains with life and myself and start a new, start fresh; the question is will actually be able to do it?
There is so much to learn, to learn to be positive, try and not let failure consume you, to live and smile a smile that means something, a smile that has a reason behind it because i might have forgotten to smile the real smile. I need to keep my head quite and just listen to the rain sometime, to the sound of the rain drops meeting the ground, its sounds so subtle, its like a symphony, a harmony of nature; there is a magic to it which calms you down and consumes you, i wanna that kinds magic in me, that to consume me. That would be so much better than being a fool who says things for the sake of it and does things for the sake of it. That is who i’ve become a fool, but i can’t stay a fool forever.
But this is not where it ends, it just but a another beginning, a beginning of change, not of knowing, i’ve always known, but of starting to act on changing myself, live for better times, good times and not just say it, not just stay a fool but change. I am a fool who needs to, wants to change and so the journey begins.
When you pass by me, you remind me of all the things I want out of my life.
Your smile makes me want to let go of everything and just make u my life
But I know that is nothing but a dream, a dream I’ll never get to live.
Your make me question myself, my decision, my life, the way I choose to live it
You give me hopes but you take it away from me at that moment,
Because I know you can’t stay
Because I can’t ask you to stay
Because I can’t tell you why I want you to stay
Because I dunno how to tell you that you take my breath away every time you smile.
I want to tell you to not smile at me but how do I tell you that, how do I tell you to give up what makes you who you are
So here I am dreaming of a world with you in it and may be I’ll live in it for a while just so that I know what I want out of our life,
But that is a act of stupidity and I don’t care.
onemanarmy and words 